What I would like to tell you right now.
I am really angry at you.
I know it is stupid to be angry because your reasons are valid I guess and you were sick for crying out loud but I am really mad right now.
I am angry at you right now because I care. Because I care that I don’t hear from you when you’re supposed to be sick, that you don’t return my messages, that I got no replies to my offers to go out or even visit all summer long.
I’m not angry about not getting to catch up with you because if you weren’t feeling up to it, that is fine with me. But what I am angry about is the fact that you don’t have the decency to tell me. You just let me worry so much to the point that I bug all our friends to make sure you’re ok.
I am also really angry that I care so much. Right now I would give anything not to care.
Well I’m sorry if I thought that our friendship was better than this, and that it would matter to you but I guess not, no, not enough.
Life is changing hard and fast for us both, for us all, right now where we are in our lives. I understand this, and know this happens. It will not shock me, or hurt me, if we end here.
The least I ask is you let me know, and not just stop being a friend and act like it is normal that we are this far apart. It is not normal. Just let me on that we’re done. So I could stop bothering you.
And because I still think I know you, I will tell you the truth: this hurts a lot. I thought we were different and that we would last. I would still like it if we did. But maybe we can’t. I don’t know. You tell me. Would you have the decency to tell me this, if you won’t tell me easier things?
I will stop trying.
But the thing is, I can’t tell you this. Because it is pretty much overreacting. Because this would send you into some fit and you can’t have that right now. Because it would make you worry. Because it would make you cry. Because this would keep you up and you need to be up early tomorrow. I wish these things that I wish I could say to you, are things I actually don’t need to say. I wish that I only said these things because I am angry and not because they are true. So instead of throwing these words at you I throw them to the winds where they will never reach you. When I see you again I hope this is all over.
